Meaningful Misery: Why Writing a Memoir is a Worthwhile Struggle
Dr. Virginia Simpson
August 4, 2016
4 PM PDT 5 PM MDT 6 PM CDT 7 PM EDT
I’m pleased to have a conversation with Dr. Virginia Simpson, author of The Space Between- A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life. I learned about her story as she was working on it, and know some of what she went through to gain the insights and ultimately the rewards from all her hard work—as a writer and her emotional journey. I look forward to our conversation!
This is from Virginia:
If writing a book were easy, most people would be authors. Writing is demanding and I believe nothing requires more of us than writing a memoir. As I wrote my book The Space Between, I was impressed with the emotional challenges that came with excavating and bringing my memories to life. Writing a memoir demanded that I reenter a time in my life when I faced a tough challenge: a life-threatening illness resulted in my mother coming to live with me. This meant that we had to navigate shifts in the balance of power between us, struggle with personality conflicts, and face the anguish of watching her mental and physical decline. During this process, we were healing the wounds between us. It wrote it all down, first in a rough draft and then several revisions. Working with a writing coach, taking classes, and reading memoir, fiction, and craft books, helped me on my journey.
The more I wrote, the more I discovered the deeper meanings and lessons I learned from being with my mother intimately every day. As I witnessed our lives, I gained more clarity about how both earlier events and daily struggles affected our relationship. Eventually, I was able to let go of past hurts.
My mother taught me about courage and the ability of the human heart to expand even at the most challenging time of life. Writing reminded me of some painful times, but there was such a reward as I kept working: I brought a fresh understanding to my relationship with my mother and myself, and discovered the power of love I had never known before.
Today, I will talk about the painful, yet rewarding journey of writing a memoir.
- Writing thru pain – jumping past yourself to write your memoir
- Remembering – how to mine your memories to find a deeper meaning
- The importance of including events that move the story forward
- Your lousy first draft – this is not the time to give up
- Birthing your creation – challenges and rewards of bringing your book out into the world
- Decisions about publishing, cover design, and building a platform
Virginia A. Simpson, Ph.D., FT has worked in the field of death, dying and bereavement for more than 30 years, and is the Executive Counseling Director for hundreds of funeral homes throughout the United States and Canada. She is also founder of The Mourning Center for grieving children and their families, and author of the memoir The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life (She Writes Press, April 2016) about her journey caring for her ailing mother. Virginia has appeared on numerous television and radio programs and has had articles about end-of-life issues published in The Desert Sun, TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) Magazine, Next Avenue, ThirdAge, and Home Care For You. Virginia holds a Fellowship in Thanatology from the Association for Death Education & Counseling (ADEC) and has been honored for her work by the cities of Indian Wells, Indio, Palm Desert, Palm Springs, and Rancho Mirage, California.